Author: Mark Holt

Having models of who we want to be from stories is a tale as old as time! Having characters model for how we would like to live and how we would not like to live. One such example would be the difference between Goku and Freeza. Their relationship is a trope you’ll see this quite a bit in a variety of stories; One character; happy and energetic, awaiting the next challenge and willing to face them at a moment’s notice! While another character may be so prideful of the “strength” when a new power confronts them, their whole identity crumbles because they have been given a challenge they believed they conquer.

Dr. Carol Dwek talks about these differences in her book “Mindset”. In the book she illustrates 2 mindsets to live one’s life: The growth mindset and the fixed mindset. In her book she explains in great detail and with examples how the 2 mindsets differ. She also has chapters dedicated to Growth vs Fixed Mindsets in business, relationships, and parenting.

Both mindsets may have the same kind of situations and struggles in their life, but view them very differently, as noticed below

Now, back to Dragon Ball Z, (because this about Geek Therapy, after all) where do these connect? Goku, from the beginning of the story has a growth mindset! Looking for the next adventure, actively SEARCHING FOR the next strong opponent. He may be defined as having a growth mindset to a fault. Characters in the story and fans have noted that Goku will put a challenge before anything else, even to save the universe. Goku continually shows mercy for strong opponents not because of a compassion to the being, but so that Goku and them may “fight another day”. To allow his opponents to get strong and challenge Goku again, even if they have shown evil intents.

In contrast, Freeza, born strong and powerful, has been the menace of the universe for decades! Always on top! Rarely, if ever, having a challenge that he could not conquer with brute force or intimidation. Finally, when he is being confronted with a being whose power is greater than his, he continues to claim that he is the “strongest in the universe” implying no one can be stronger than him (according to his mindset) and denying any chance of growth for himself. 

If you’re looking at the picture above and see that you may be living more in the fixed mindset for your life, and want to move towards the growth mindset, here are 4 steps to help you get there! 

4 simple steps 

1.Notice when you’re brain is moving to the fixed mindset 

The first step in moving towards a Growth Mindset is to notice when you are in your Fixed Mindset. If you’re having thoughts like: “I’m a total failure”, “My life is pitiful”, “My Intelligence can’t change”, “I can’t make mistakes”, “I have to be better than other people”. There are so many thoughts that accompany the Fixed Mindset, that some thought about what it looks like for you would be a great exercise! Once you’ve got how your own flavor of Fixed Mindset is, you’re ready for the next step.

2.Decided to move towards Growth Mindset thinking

This second step has you look at what it would be like to look at the same situation, but in a Growth Mindset. Making that decision to try on a new mindset takes clarity and courage! Maybe even a little creativity to see what the growth mindset would look like for you. I want to emphasize this step to have you consider what it would mean for you to move towards the Growth Mindset. Would it help you learn a new task? Potentially get you out of a rut? Have you reach out for help with something that you’ve been dreading to reach out to with a Fixed Mindset? What ever that is, the courage to choose something better for your life is valid.

3. Notice what it is like to have a Growth Mindset

Similar to step 1, here we look at what thoughts and feelings come to you when you are in your Growth Mindset. Here are some examples of what thoughts come up in the Growth Mindset: “This is challenging and an opportunity for me to learn”, “Its ok if I fail, as long as I learn something,” “What can I do better next time,” “I’m going to try a new approach”. Whatever it looks like for you! Experiment with it!

4. Repeat and try again!

This is another important step where changing one’s mindset does not happen over night. You are changing patterns of thought that have been with you for a long time and giving yourself the grace that it’ll take time. Taking the baby steps every day will help you move towards where you would like to go in your life. And even if it doesn’t happen every day, that’s ok too! Remember to try again.

If you’re looking for more support with learning your mindsets and walking with you through life’s challenges, I’m here to help! Click below if you’d like to schedule an appointment.

I just finished reading “Being the Other One”, and I’ll tell you hwat (I’ve also been watching King of the Hill), it has been one of the most relatable books on siblings I have read. It goes into an extensive talk about what it is like growing up with someone who has special needs.

Kate writes the book to talk to adults; so, parents, adult siblings, and professionals that work with these families (teachers, nurses, speech pathologists, etc). This book really hit home for me. From the conversations I’ve had with other siblings as well as the thoughts I had growing up, I felt it was pretty accurate in explaining what it is like growing up with someone with an intellectual disability. Not everything was exactly like how I grew up, but I could see how other people may have been affected in ways where I was not affected. For example, I was 12 when my brother with Autism was born, and his diagnosis and the effects on the family did not begin (to my knowledge) until I was 14/15. By that time, I did not see myself as acting out for attention from my parents or believing that the attention that my parents were giving my brother was unfair to me. Alternatively, I could see how a young child, where the age gap is closer to their sibling could feel that they need to act out or be perfect to get their parent’s attention. This example goes into what I think is the most important quote from the book

“It is important to remember we each have different responses to being a sibling of someone with special needs, and all of these responses are valid”

Everyone has a different response to what is going on in their lives, especially when it comes to siblings, even neurotypical siblings. Saying that a book encapsulates everything that someone feels towards a sibling with intellectual disabilities is absurd! Everyone has a different experience and taking the time to sit down with yourself/someone else and looking at your experience can be a helpful activity. Yes, some experiences may be similar, but ultimately, your experience is your own.

Before closing out, I want to mention another important point Kate makes:

Identify the needs of all members of the family

From my experience, when someone with an intellectual disability enters into the family, the dynamic turns into “ALL HANDS ON DECK”. Most of the energy goes into helping the individual who was diagnosed, but this change in the family affects the whole family. Addressing how a mother, father, brother, sister, cousin, grandparent, aunt, uncle, close friend, etc was affected by the diagnosis/change in how the family operates can assist in the transition. It can also allow for people to utilize more social resources and not feel so alone. Reach out to someone, even if its a “lets schedule a time to talk,” text. You never know how it’ll make their day.

Take care of yourselves until next time

-Mark

Hello everyone! Over the next couple of days, I will be sharing with you 2 books that I have read recently that talk about Autism in the family. The first one (appropriatly named) is Autism in the Family: Caring and Coping TOGETHER.

This book tells of a father, Dr. Robert Naseef, who’s son was diagnosed with Autism and how his life changed. He gives some insight about his journey learning about Autism and his observation from working with his family and other families with children with Autism.

This book is excellent for parents, caregivers, mental health professionals, and siblings for guidence when you have a loved one with Autism. His extensive lists of resources are helpful when navigating the the world of Autism. For, as the saying goes, “Once you’ve met one person with Autism, you’ve met one person with Autism,” which goes to say that everyone with Autism is different as well as everyone’s experience with Autism is different.

Parents, siblings, extended family, friends, all have a different experience when it comes to one person with Autism. This book goes into the support that the family may need as well as some of the intircacies of each relationship. This book is a wealth of knowledge for any family! Whether your child was recently diagnosed, or you have been living with Autism in your family for years, you will find some excellent sources of information for you!

As always, take care of yourselves until next time.

-Mark

I began writing this post and realized that I was saying a lot of cliche phrases that you’ve probably heard every year. “Keep your goals managable. Have a concrete goal for the new year. Keep track of your goal. Consistency Consistency Consistency.” Instead of adding the same words to the internet, I have found a couple of blog posts from the New Year and decided to share them with y’all with some of my thoughts on them

1. https://www.almanac.com/news/editors-musings/blog-how-make-new-years-resolutions

This link gives a little history about New Years Resolutions (which I thought was pretty cool) as well as adding 10 things to think about when making New Years Resolutions

2. https://tinybuddha.com/blog/12-habits-to-adopt-to-make-this-your-best-year-yet/

These are 12 habits that go into a self-care out look. Rather than trying to add a matierial good, this blog suggests to take more time for yourself, becoming more mindful in our day to day life. Something to read if you are interested in being more kind to yourself.

3. https://zapier.com/blog/achieve-work-resolutions/

This blog post talks about the top career resolutions and how to implement them. If you are looking to better your work life, this would be a good start.

4. https://www.forbes.com/sites/forbescoachescouncil/2020/01/07/15-ways-to-actually-achieve-your-new-years-resolutions-in-2020/#a174e9421892

I liked this one the most out of those that I read. Every point is a great step in to making and accomplishing your New Years Resolutions. One point that I want to emphasize is preparing yourself for change. Everyone wants to change in some way, but it can sometimes come at the expense of what it comfortable. In my experience in the therapy room (and in life) many people are avoidant to change and tend to veer back to their typical day to day habits. Be kind to yourself and notice these times where you are veering back to something you are aiming to change. acknowledge the moment and move towards where you aimed to be.

Good luck on your New Years Resolutions 🙂

I hope to hear from you about anything that works for you throughout the year. Send me an email

BONUS BLOG https://www.bakadesuyo.com/2020/01/emotional-intelligence/

This post talks about emotional intelligence. I enjoyed the read (and this blog). Take care of yourselves until next time.

-Mark

Back in August, there was a Marriage and Family therapy conference in downtown Austin, and with it came some colleagues from graduate school whom I haven’t seen for about a year. It was great catching up with all of them, but one suggested I read “Daring Greatly”. He praised it so much, I put a hold on the book through the Austin Public Library on the spot (your public library is an excellent resource and I suggest everyone to check out their public library). I waited about 2 month, but FINALLY I got an email that this book came in. I was so excited to read the book, I finished it within a week.

This book touches on something everyone struggles with: Vulnerability and Shame. It can be something that follows us around and can affect how we interact with others. Brené talks about facing the shame and vulnerabilty that has been told and shown to us through our lives and to DARE GREATLY. The term comes from an excerpt of Theodore Roosevelt’s, “Citizen in a Republic” speech

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

Brené calls us all to Dare Greatly within our lives, especially within our families. There is a lot of good thoughts in the book, too much to list here. Go find it at your local bookstore or public library (Austin Public Library has 14 physical copies, and multiple other ways to consume the book.)

Take care of yourselves until next time.

-Mark

While chilling at a coffee shop, a cover to Brooks and Dunn’s “Neon Moon” came on the radio and reminided me of a wonderful use of music in Mental Health. My uncle tells a story where my cousin, who is on the autism spectrum, learned to read and write through his love of country music. Once attatched to a song, he would spend hours using his fine motor skills transcribing the lyrics and expanding his vocabulary. From there, he joined the band when he entered high school where he learned beat, melody, and hand eye coordination through the marching band. For my cousin, music has been a huge part in his development!

So, I did some research and found a wonderful article from the Nurse Journal that highlights some of the benefits of utilizing music therapy with children on the autism spectrum as well as some support links for parents. You can check it out here https://nursejournal.org/community/the-benefits-of-music-therapy-for-autistic-children/

Take care of yourselves until next time.

-Mark

I came across this article in graduate school talking about a Reddit community coming together to create ” Perfect Everything Will Be OK” playlist. After reading the article (and listening to the playlist, it was pretty good), I brought the idea into my group therapy class, but with a twist. Rather than just taking the playlist and giving it to my classmates, I asked them to create their own playlists. I presented them with the task to purposefully create playlists for when they’re feeling some type of way. A playlist for when they’re sad, for when they’re mad, for when they’re happy, whatever you can think of! Music can be a wonderful tool into mental health, which I will be exploring in the coming months.

If you feel that pull to make a playlist, lean into it. You never know what songs you’ll find that you forgot existed. If you need some inspiration, here is the article I mentioned https://www.popsugar.com/smart-living/Everything-OK-Songs-39205379/?crlt.pid=camp.FwrIbLv8oKn8

Take care of yourselves until next time.

-Mark

This book offers a raw look at therapy from a therapist’s point of view as well as what happens when therapist go and find therapy for themselves! Join Lori on her personal experience working with clients and how she works through her own stressors in her therapy sessions. Check it out at your local book store or at your local library!

Take care of yourselves until next time.

-Mark